School starts on Wednesday.
And I am looking back on where I was this time last year.
I was so different. I've gone through a hell of a transformation this past year that I can't recognize the girl I was. Are they even the same people?
And then I realized I'm not quite done with the transformation. I have a long way to go and big changes are still in store for this year.
My new year never starts in January. My mind and body recognizes a new phase for me every August, around the time that school starts.
In the past, all the new school gizmos did it and the rearranging of room for a better fengshui. There was always a new promise of better things to come in August. Better teachers, better classes, better mindset and motivation, and the hope that just maybe, just maybe he'll notice me this year.
I think it's because I get so excited. I don't enjoy the summers much because it is so hot and miserable but the Fall makes me come alive. While everything else dies in preparation of the cold winter ahead, I blossom and dance to the crisp autumn air and the changing colors under the cool sun.
It's different this year.
For one, I feel like I've been torn apart and glued in so many ways. I feel strangely different. I feel confident.
It's a strange feeling, but it is empowering. And a little scary. I don't know what to do with it yet. But all I know is that it takes a lot more to knock me down. I'm a lot stronger that I gave myself credit for.
I am electing not to have resolutions this year mostly because I don't want to give myself room to break them.
Why the promise to get-in shape every other day when I know there will come a day when I do not feel like doing so.
I know what I should do. There are no need for plans.
And I know what I should be. And what I ought to be.
There's no more excuse for me to get less than what I deserve. With that said, these are my intensions:
I am not your doormat. I was perhaps born with too much compassion and feeling, but this does not give you the right to walk all over me.
You will not volunteer me. And I will learn to say no. You will ask me before you commit me to something.
That being said, I don't have to. I will not feel obligated to do anything when I've been constantly used to not getting anything in return. I will not be guilt-tripped to do anything short of breaking my back for you. I have trained for you to expect this from me, but that is no longer the case.
I have taken too many high roads in the past, letting go and forgiving, when I should be treating you as you are treating me.
And I will not let you steal my limelight, when I step back and admire you when it's your turn. I will not tolerate your pouting or refusing to recognize my good fortune when I take time to share your good fortune with you. I don't expect the same class from you, but you should have some respect for me.
And when it's my turn, I will do what I want. I may not know what that will be until it gets here but you will not tell me what to and how to do it. I'm not indecisive. I like my options.
I'm not Burger King. You can't "have it your way".
And I am looking back on where I was this time last year.
I was so different. I've gone through a hell of a transformation this past year that I can't recognize the girl I was. Are they even the same people?
And then I realized I'm not quite done with the transformation. I have a long way to go and big changes are still in store for this year.
My new year never starts in January. My mind and body recognizes a new phase for me every August, around the time that school starts.
In the past, all the new school gizmos did it and the rearranging of room for a better fengshui. There was always a new promise of better things to come in August. Better teachers, better classes, better mindset and motivation, and the hope that just maybe, just maybe he'll notice me this year.
I think it's because I get so excited. I don't enjoy the summers much because it is so hot and miserable but the Fall makes me come alive. While everything else dies in preparation of the cold winter ahead, I blossom and dance to the crisp autumn air and the changing colors under the cool sun.
It's different this year.
For one, I feel like I've been torn apart and glued in so many ways. I feel strangely different. I feel confident.
It's a strange feeling, but it is empowering. And a little scary. I don't know what to do with it yet. But all I know is that it takes a lot more to knock me down. I'm a lot stronger that I gave myself credit for.
I am electing not to have resolutions this year mostly because I don't want to give myself room to break them.
Why the promise to get-in shape every other day when I know there will come a day when I do not feel like doing so.
I know what I should do. There are no need for plans.
And I know what I should be. And what I ought to be.
There's no more excuse for me to get less than what I deserve. With that said, these are my intensions:
I am not your doormat. I was perhaps born with too much compassion and feeling, but this does not give you the right to walk all over me.
You will not volunteer me. And I will learn to say no. You will ask me before you commit me to something.
That being said, I don't have to. I will not feel obligated to do anything when I've been constantly used to not getting anything in return. I will not be guilt-tripped to do anything short of breaking my back for you. I have trained for you to expect this from me, but that is no longer the case.
I have taken too many high roads in the past, letting go and forgiving, when I should be treating you as you are treating me.
And I will not let you steal my limelight, when I step back and admire you when it's your turn. I will not tolerate your pouting or refusing to recognize my good fortune when I take time to share your good fortune with you. I don't expect the same class from you, but you should have some respect for me.
And when it's my turn, I will do what I want. I may not know what that will be until it gets here but you will not tell me what to and how to do it. I'm not indecisive. I like my options.
I'm not Burger King. You can't "have it your way".
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